Afraid

I'm afraid to wish that you'll experience the road you've pushed me down.
I'm afraid because I'm terrified of becoming so hateful, bitter and spiteful that I start to resemble you.
I'm afraid that if I allow myself to feel the desire for revenge that on some level I'll lose a part of myself...and in that way I'll allow you another victory, however small, over my life.
I'm afraid that there are more of you out here in the world. I've already met so many like you, who have done such similar, catastrophic things to destroy my life...I wonder if you've kept a count of your clones. I would find that useful.
I'm afraid to speak to my friends in public places because I wonder if you'll somehow be there and hear me, feeling then the need to confront me for speaking the truth instead of parroting your lies.
I'm afraid of thinking about you, allowing my anger to consume me.
I'm afraid to hear your name on my friend's lips, knowing the cascade of destructive emotions that will cause.
I'm afraid to go shopping, worried that I might face you accidentally while doing something as innocuous as reaching for a can of peas or corn.
I'm afraid that I might have allowed so many little compromises that I'll wake one day and realize that over the progression of many days, I've become someone repulsive and untrustworthy...someone you might call a friend.
I'm afraid...of many things...but from now on, the one thing I am not afraid of...is you.