Trapped

In my dreams, I'm trapped, begging, beaten, degraded
And in those moments after I awake, I understand her.
I see the world through her eyes
And I understand why she's afraid
To fight, to feel, to try not to die.
Because as wonderful as freedom feels,
Returning to captivity hurts far, far more.

I may want to fly
I may want to feel human
To be normal
But the cost is so great
It's just so hard not to feel trapped when you are.

I see her in my memory and she haunts me
I helped her as best I could but I was trapped too,
By my own life, my own pain, by my own struggle
And though she forgives me
I can't help but wonder in these moments
How hard it must be be for her to laugh, to trust
And I feel ashamed.

I may want to fly
I may want to feel no pain,
To be free,
But I'm trapped here in this cycle
And all that is standing in my way is me.

What I want the most is to be sure
Of any step, of any touch, of any smile
And if she can...Well, then I guess, so can I.