Fraud

Where am I going?
Where did I lose myself?
Did the real me drown amid the crashing waves?

What am I doing?
What is the plan now?
What do I do with this terrified shell that remains?

What can I do,
What can I say,
Was I fraud then, or am I now?

Is this a new beginning,
Or just the end of an age?
I'm all questions with no answers in sight.

I hear their laughter,
I feel my tears,
Is this cowardess or is it growth?

I don't know where tomorrow leads,
One more song,
Or never again.

I don't if I should bow
Or if I should run,
Am I wanted here more than I want to be gone?

What can I do,
What can I say,
Was I a fraud then, or am I now?

Forcing Myself Over You

With his hands around my throat I can momentarily forget about your touch,
You slip from my mind like the breath from my burning lungs,
His frightening eyes help me focus on a face that isn't yours, centering me to a moment free of your voice.

You are the only thing standing between us,
You are the one driving me into his arms.

The stab of pain, the surge of pleasure, both are the work of his hands,
Cast away from all but this, I seek out this regret and remorse to feel, to belong.
My heart, beating out of rhythm and far too fast, responds to the rough handling his passion imbues.

You are the only thing standing between us,
You are the one driving me into his arms.

Trapped

In my dreams, I'm trapped, begging, beaten, degraded
And in those moments after I awake, I understand her.
I see the world through her eyes
And I understand why she's afraid
To fight, to feel, to try not to die.
Because as wonderful as freedom feels,
Returning to captivity hurts far, far more.

I may want to fly
I may want to feel human
To be normal
But the cost is so great
It's just so hard not to feel trapped when you are.

I see her in my memory and she haunts me
I helped her as best I could but I was trapped too,
By my own life, my own pain, by my own struggle
And though she forgives me
I can't help but wonder in these moments
How hard it must be be for her to laugh, to trust
And I feel ashamed.

I may want to fly
I may want to feel no pain,
To be free,
But I'm trapped here in this cycle
And all that is standing in my way is me.

What I want the most is to be sure
Of any step, of any touch, of any smile
And if she can...Well, then I guess, so can I.

Arizona

My beloved friend
I wish that there was anything to say
That would help
That would heal
And not harm
But any truthful statement
Is one more dagger
In your back

My would be lover
I would give all but eternity
If only this was not an issue
If only we could be
Our love could grow
But we're broken
Far too broken to be whole
Too far gone to be together

My heart's desire
Your arms were my oasis
Your love was my solace
But I cannot
Regardless of wish
Our realities too different
Our destination in conflict
And my love just not strong enough

The Black Widow

Why so grim, my lover?
Why so pale and low?
Why are your lips unmoving?
Why are your hands so cold?

Why do you look surprised, my heart?
Why do you stare aghast?
Why did you not see this coming?
Why did you not run and hide?

Why so bleak, my darling?
Why so still and small?
Why is your odor ominous?
Why is your breath no more?

Eulogy for the Walking Wounded of Tomorrow

Carve us out with pen and paper.
Build our souls with clinical words.
You see what you want to see,
Self-fulfilling fantasies.
You have no clue who we really are.

No one wants to see the truth,
No one wants to face this reality,
The flowers bloom to wilt too soon.

This generation raised by Disney, pedophiles and McDonalds,
Gee, can't imagine why we're so fucked up.
We never had a chance at all,
No mother to love us, no father to protect us.
We have no clue who we really are.

Down on the floor,
Blood flowing from wrists long-shackled by apathy.
Nothing more vulnerable than innocence in the midst of wolves.

Daddy Issues

Father, where did you go?
Mother, she is crying all alone.
I know I'm not the perfect child
And I know that I'm strange
But I still try to make you proud.

I see the truth when I see love in your eyes
But I still feel like I'm not enough.

Father, you show me how to be strong
But I would settle for feeling understood
I'm your daughter but I feel more like your son.
Striving to prove myself,
I want to make you proud.

Do you see that I'm just so scared,
To live in this flesh, so raw, so rare?

I see the truth when I see love in your eyes,
But I still feel like I'm not enough.

Ashes to Ashes

How many wounded souls lay scattered and mangled at the master's feet?
Am I the only one who sees their masks and does not believe?
Their legalistic lies preach peace but seek power.
Old hypocrisies boxed up in whole new technologies.

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Everything comes to an end.

Broken they seek pleasure but are left unfulfilled.
They they seek forgiveness from phantom faces with no reply.
So they seek the darkness but only wind up getting burned.
So they seek a brand new face for their God.

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Everything comes to an end.

No one really has any answers so lets seek some questions for a change.
If all truth is subjective does it even matter anyway?
No one has an interest in psychology or sincerity,
No one wants to dirty pristine hands with all this rage.

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Everything comes to an end.
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Because this heart will not mend.